FINALLY Finished Cobalt Blue!

Well, it started with a poem that entered my head this last February. It was about a guy; my feels were pretty complex, and kind of tried to forget the poem.

Then things with him ended more or less totally 🙁  And I hated myself for forgetting it. And then I (self-)published SQL. Now, I like that poem, actually, but some of my fellow poets here in San Diego don’t; they don’t dislike it, I guess, so much as they feel it’s not as good as my other work. As time progresses, I see more and more what they mean.

Happily, something in me finally melted, or snapped, or eased, or simply allowed itself to be swallowed by the tides of timespace, because I was able to let go of a lot of feels and internal drama and remember the cold-happy poem I wrote months ago—most of it, at least.

Adrian really likes it, but wants to know why the blue is cobalt blue, especially as the rest of the poem uses tightly-coupled metaphors about Einsteinian physics that I tried rather hard to keep accurate, even as they described my stalled infatuation with a certain Millennial twink-cub—I mean it’s blue, because it’s blue shift. It’s cobalt blue, though, because that’s his favorite color. Actually, I tinkered with the poem a bit because of this issue. I think it works, though; I have until mid-October to decide.

I’m Sorry, Tony—It Was All My Fault

I used to not mind—to even go along with—when people would try to separate out, or argue priority over the other, one kind of liberation versus another; I’ve got my needs, other things are secondary. Then I met this one cuddly hunk. I kind of broke his heart, in a rare(ish) reversal. I’m still not sure how I feel about what happened, but what I AM sure of: that hunky dude has a right to awkward sexual encounters with over-privileged white Liberal Arts majors every bit as much as his heterosexual peers in the African American community. Implying that gay rights are a function of white privilege is, in fact, racist.

That is all.

PSA About Patterns Of Abusive Lovers

Just so everyone knows: when a lover distorts truth and/or lies about your friends and family, so you isolate yourself from those people, that’s classic abusive behavior. Once you no longer have friends you can go to, the abuser introduces worse and worse behavior, and you put up with it because “everyone else is worse.” Except not, of course, and once the abuser is done with you, you’ll have NO one left in your life.

It’s natural for people to develop antipathy within extended social circles. If your boyfriend can’t stand your friends, that’s okay. If your boyfriend lies to you and poisons your other relationships, that’s not okay. One is a hothead. The other is an abuser.

What A Long, Strange Summer

In some ways, I’ll be glad when this Summer is over; there’s a lot about it I haven’t liked—above and beyond the East San Diego County heat, even.

I was glad to have my chapbook launch, and glad for many of the events I attended this Summer. The Ken’s week of cinema classics was the best it’s been in a long time; I discovered Ran, which I think is officially now my favorite Kurosawa.

Poem fragments of my project keep coming; each birth is different, but this is the strangest since California.

I’m lucky to be as privileged as I am, and lucky to have my husband Adrian.

Someone broke my heart this past Spring, but this Summer taught me that sometimes, people just won’t live up to the potential I could see in them; some people are just destined to spiral. And, after all, there is indeed no one you can save who can’t be saved.

Once again, I’m at a crossroads as to what I want to do with this blog, and what I want from it. Weekly updates weren’t happening (big surprise), but I do feel like I need to support my poetry more. Mailing list coming soon? 😛

Video Editing Is A Bitch

So I still have video left over to edit from the chapbook launch. I had to clean/amp all the audio, as it was from my friend’s GoPro at the other end of the cafe. Also, there’s a poem or two I don’t want to post. Also, poem title text overlays.

But soon.

That is all.

Posted by / July 2, 2016 / Posted in Meta